Can I Be Wrong About My Vocation?
[Editor’s note: Sara Conneely is joining “The Table” as a Tuesday guest blogger for the month of January.]
When I discovered that the Women’s Ordination Conference exists, I was delighted that a space I had been hoping for was real and active. I am a Catholic minister with a background in catechetics and education. I am a lay woman seeking to be taken seriously and upheld as a leader in a male dominated space rooted in traditional values. I am constantly hoping that my experience, education, and eagerness will be part of the changing tides of my community and the Church as a whole. For many years, I followed unquestioningly behind clergy who promised change but preached the same old messages, covering their eyes to the reality of the harm they caused by not speaking out against sexism and clericalism in the Church.
What I find to be the case again and again is that, regardless of my knowledge or persistence or enthusiasm, I am treated as if I do not know what I am talking about. This seems to be a common occurrence among my fellow female ministers, especially my own friends who do work much more significant than mine. My frustration lies in being told what I need, what women in the Church need – a flaw that as ministers we are constantly told to avoid – by men in charge. We are told not to assume the needs of the people we serve, rather to meet them where they are and minister to those right in front of us. Yet, we are not given that same grace in our vocations.
As women, we are given so few options for who we can be in the Church. Women are meant to be pure, chaste, innocent models of virginity or motherhood. Shouldn’t there be more options for the wide breadth of what a woman can be? Women are called to everything – “Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us exercise them: if prophecy, in proportion to the faith; if ministry, in ministering; if one is a teacher, in teaching; if one exhorts, in exhortation; if one contributes, in generosity; if one is over others, with diligence; if one does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness” (Romans 12:6-8). My community of female ministers is varied, but many share the experience of feeling called to the priesthood and being told by a priest that they are wrong about this calling.
Though I have considered that I too might be called to the priesthood, I have never discussed this with a priest for fear of being dismissed. The discernment I have done on my own has left me certain that it is not the path for me; it has also left me indigent that anyone could tell another person they are wrong about their vocation. Frederick Buechner popularized the quotation, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” Is it possible for another person to tell us where our deep gladness resides? How can someone else explain to us how our own joy feels? Is it someone else’s job to analyze whether or not we have found the calling that is meant for us?
As a minister, if someone I worked with told me that anyone else had advised that they were wrong about their vocation, misguided about their calling, or incorrect with what they feel God has created them to do, I would seriously question that advice and the source from which it came. Of course our discernment must be ongoing and thorough to allow us to see clearly, but it is a profoundly personal process that no one outside of ourselves can fully know. When it comes to priests directing women in their discernment of the priesthood, I am skeptical that they can remain impartial, and perhaps skeptical that they can remain just, in their assessment of if a woman can be called to the priesthood. I am painting with a broad brush; there are clergy out there who undoubtedly offer support and guidance on all matters of vocation in a healthy and productive way. The outright dismissal of one’s calling, however, should not be accepted.
This is where my personal passion for adapting the Sacraments at the Service of Communion to the modern era lies – in assuring that all those called to ordained life have the opportunity to properly discern their vocation and put it into practice for the good of the Church.
2 Responses
Hang in there. The Marian angle is key.
Great article Sara! As I read this, I thought about the audacity of our beloved (Catholic) church insisting that only we men are able and authorized to receive people’s pain and need for confession. As I think about my mother and in fact, all of the women in the neighborhood growing up, these were the ones we kids went to when we got messed up from playing rough games or doing stupid stuff on our bikes. After thousands of years of women nurturing all of humanity for years of their lives, why shouldn’t a woman be present as an “official” chaplain? Why couldn’t women be sent to minister to those who are hurt, confused or even dying and offer anointing?
After many years of faithful service to the Catholic Church, I took a sabbatical from my active parish life to seek clarity and perspective. After 2.5 years into this, I made the decision to incur automatic excommunication and attend my friend’s installation as bishop with the Roman Catholic Women Priests. A year later I was just accepted as a candidate (yes, a male!) for priesthood and intend to join ranks with those who got tired of hitting the wall of exclusion and act in full accord with our well-formed consciences.
In Parker Palmer’s book, “Let Your Life Speak” he writes about people like Rosa Parks who finally had ENOUGH of being told “No!” or “Not yet.” “They have come to understand that no punishment they [receive] could possibly be worse than the punishment they inflict on themselves by conspiring in their own diminishment.” (pg. 34) So if you or any other of your readers can no longer ignore what the Holy Spirit is forming and stoking in the gut of personal vocation, I pray that the Roman Catholic Women Priests would be considered and given discernment. I love my new direction and rejoice that I can be with an authentically-affirming community that acknowledges and celebrates the fullness of vocational activity within the church! (Thanks for allowing me to share at length.)