Poem Written on the Eve of the 1976 Episcopal General Convention

The following poem was read on July 24, 2005 during the blessing of the nine ordinands to be ordained on the St. Lawrence the next day at WOC’s 30th Anniversary Celebration during the WOW Conference in Ottawa, Canada.

By Julia Emily Louisa Peebles

What is going on, God?

I don’t understand.

I’m a human being made in your image; a unique being with dreams, hopes and fears.

I try my best to live as you would want me to and to make good use of the gifts and talents you have given me.

Surely you cannot despite me because I am a woman.

I feel mind, body and soul — within every facet of my being — that you call me to serve you as a priest.

But they say wait.

They must study and investigate this issue, as they call it.

In meetings and courtrooms they debate endlessly this question of whether women can be priests.

How coolly and objectively they tear me apart and examine me under their theological microscope.

When I say how much this hurts me, they say they will surely come to an answer at the next general convention.

When I say I can wait no longer, they give me evasions that are as empty of substance as a pacifier I hand a baby to keep it from crying for food.

When I take action to assert my right to the priesthood and my humanity, they try to punish me.

They torment me with their evasion, their objectiveness.

Even those who must dialogue with me to see my side forget that I am a living, breathing person and not an abstract issue.

As they ponder and argue, I am torn apart inside.

This game is wrong, God. I feel it in my soul.

Why should there even be this question?

Why should my priesthood, my very humanity, be on trial in the courts of man?

My God, my creator, why have you let this happen?

Deliver me from Bishops and General Conventions and the endless debate.

Deliver me from those who despise and fear me because of my sex.

Stand by me in this time of waiting that should not even be.

Give me strength and courage to serve you faithfully, no matter what the men decide.

I trust in the creation promise that you have made me for your own, in your own image, to love and serve you.

I hope that someday they will know this to be the truth.